I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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