Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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