you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
