Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
