I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
