i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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