Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
