well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
