also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
