I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I enjoy the company of your penis
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
