We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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