her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
