yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
