I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
