if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
