Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
