I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Randomize
