I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
