so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
