how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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