and you said cock pushups were impossible
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
