Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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