"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
