You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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