I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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