Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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