Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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