come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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