had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
