I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
