The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
