then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
