do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
