Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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