i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
