You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
