You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
MIDGETS
????
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
