You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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