ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
