A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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