this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
