Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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