Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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