Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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