You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
