the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
