If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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