..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
