We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
