nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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