also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
