I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
3 2 1 whiskey
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
