porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
